Dissappear..

How embarrasing... i want to die and to be perished from this world. Why do i always become like that ? destroying everyone's mood.. They've just arrived and i once again started acting like a lame shithead in front of everybody. Even though i promised to myself, that i would hold it in.
I hate myself and i just hate how i am. Why can't i ever change ? Why can't i ever stop being so melancholy and sensitive. It's just so darn heavy for me, being like this.

It just pained me seeing my father so thin, but still seems happy. Just thinking about me being there instead of that person only made it worse. I began shedding tears and it was so stupid. Why couldn't i be there at that moment.. everyone i love dearly is slowly drifting away. I'm so madly depressed that i want to disappear. Someone please, i can no longer take it... please make it go away..